Archive for the ‘Entertainment’ category

Please, Bully My Kids

September 17, 2010

jamie oliver

Now, I’m a big fan of individuality. People should be able to express themselves as they like, dress how they like and whatever else they want as long as it’s not (too) illegal or discriminatory. I draw the line at taking that individuality out on your children though.

I’m far from Jamie Oliver’s biggest fan. To be honest whenever I see his smug face on the tube I feel like punching his holier than though face through the beautiful HD screen, thankfully I love my TV more than I despise him. I really do feel the need to tell him though; you don’t have to give your children stupid names just to make them special.

Your kids are going to be bullied mate, at some point in their life, they will have other kids ridiculing them, not because their dad’s the bloke who’s making English kids eat decent food (one thing I can’t fault him for, still hate the smug cunt though) but because their names are inspired by the Teletubbies.

Poppy Honey, Daisy Boo, Petal Blossom Rainbow and now the latest edition: Buddy Bear. Really, Jamie, you hate your children that much?

Sil, x

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Edward, You’re Gay.

August 16, 2010

twillightgay

See I love vampires, I’m a self confessed Buff-a-holic, I love Gerard Butler in Dracula 2000 (or 2001 depending on which title you believe to be the right one, interview with a vampire is pretty decent too. I know I dedicate a lot of blog space to a certain other vampire series, which I happen to be less than a great fan of, and I just wanted to share it with the rest of you, as quite frankly, it does sum up how I feel, and it made me giggle.

For future reference, if you are trying to write a book or make a movie and it includes hot and human looking vampires, look below for inspiration. Not a sparkles in the sunlight cougar magnet in sight.

dracula2001

spike and angel

Mmm mmm mmm

Chloe x

Things that make me smile, Part 3

August 2, 2010

AJ Styles with his shirt off

AJ Styles, TNA Wrestler and (in my head at least) Sex symbol, showing off his new tattoo. Yes I like Wrestling, only TNA though. Yes I know it’s fake, but half naked men and women getting sweaty is fucking great entertainment and I fancy the pants off AJ Styles. The dates on his tattoo are the birth dates of his children, so that tells me his pecker works and all. Come to mama, baby, yummy.

Sil, x

Things that make me smile, part 2

August 2, 2010

Batman. Yes I mean the first one.

Batman

I’m sure you’ll be wondering why. Especially those of you who prefer the newer Christian Bale films. I hate to break this to you, but they’re really not that great. Now don’t get me wrong, the wow factor is definitively there. The Dark Knight is a brilliantly entertaining film, although much of the wow factor is delivered by the late Heath Ledger as the Joker, who although very good indeed, is no Jack Nicholson.

Batman Begin was interesting… I find it extremely interesting that a history as dark and intriguing as that of Bruce Wayne and Batman (Yes, I’m a geek and Batman is my dirty little secret) could me made into such an incredible pile of shite. It was not educational, it was not memorable, and Christopher Nolan’s first attempt at the Batman franchise was so far away from that of Tim Burton’s that you would not recognize the character. The only thing that could have made it worse would have been if Tom Cruise has played Batman, and to be honest the Last Samurai feel that you get in a certain part of the movie does nothing for the story behind Batman. Of course I realise that there are those of you who loved the film, everyone except me seemed to think it was the greatest thing since sliced bread. However, you’re all wrong, and I’m right.

Batman (1989) had everything that a comic strip super hero could dream of, ensured by the rather artistic Tim Burton. The hero was dark, broody with his internal demons, trying to save the poisionous city that saw his parents be killed when he was just a boy whilst trying to have a love life and being looked after by the ever faithful Alfred. Michael Keaton was Batman, Christopher Bale mearly plays him (and this comes from someone who actually adores Christopher Bale, even if he is rather emotionally inept as an actor). He had the beautiful love interest, Kim Basinger really was THE sex symbol of the eighties. And the super villain that made the film what it was, Jack Nicholson’s Joker. I’m sorry Heath, you were a talented actor, but no one does crazy like Jack. Probably because he is absolutely mental.

Yes it has the eighties cheese, yes it has the similarities from Beetlejuice and Edward Scissorhands, one of which were released before the other the year after Batman, both Tim Burton masterpieces. And they all make me smile, because twenty years later the films are as meaningful and entertaining as when they were first made, because Burton is in the past, current and futuristic all at the same time. The Dark Knight may very well be popular for years to come yeat, but it remains to see if perhaps its popularity was increased by the sudden death of one of its big stars (There I said it, you were all thinking it). Batman didn’t have the tragedy, it has no fancy mambo jambo, it has the weirdness, the creepyness and the humour that a Batman film should have. It was magic, and you can’t remake or recapture magic.

Sil, x

The expert has spoken, divorces are good for children

August 2, 2010

Jordan
Katie Price, AKA Jordan, AKA “I thought it was a good idea to use tires as boob implants” has once again showed exactly why she is such an intelligent, stable and downright brilliant role model for the young girls of England. Having had three children herself, and supposedly having been a child herself at one point despite all evidence pointing towards being artificially grown in a special greenhouse that uses botox and silicone as fertilizer, Jordan has said that divorces are good for children. In fact, all children that are from divorced parents are damn lucky that this is their family situation.

Now I realise that this may be a bit controversial, seeing as I am talking about the woman who has released several children’s books, one of which won the WH Smith’s children’s book of the year award in 2008 (I guess if you have the mentality of a child, this helps you write for children), however Katie Price really is so full of shit it’s quite worrying. Lets start with your own divorce. I’m not sure how the divorce between Katie and Peter Andre (still not sure what he is famous for beyond Mysterious Girl) will possibly benefit the two children the couple had whilst together, or Katie’s oldest son that was fathered by Dwight Yorke. Double the presents? Now I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure two Malibu Barbie play houses and two mini-cars will not really make up for having to growing up in the public eye whilst their parents have nothing better to do than throw abuse at each other, Katie Price being the biggest culprit.

It is completely possible that children of divorced couples can be perfectly happy and well functioning, in some cases more so than when their parents were together. However there is no way in hell that divorced children are luckier and more adjusted simply because their parents are divorced. Katie even uses herself as an example. Her parents are divorced, and it has caused her no emotional damage, no disfunctionality in her personality, she’s just a happy go lucky kind of person. Who’s addicted to plastic surgery, who is incapable of being happy, who uses her own children in a punching match with her ex husband, who is so scared of being alone she married again straight off the back of her divorce, with the only person in the world (except perhaps Jodie Marsh) that is more orange then herself. Next time you want to make an excuse for how you’ve fucked up, may be an idea not to use yourself as evidence, I reckon this exhibit would probably be laughed out of court.

Sil, x

Edward Cullen star “related” to the real Dracula

June 24, 2010

CullenVlad

You can just see the likeness can’t you? Now when I say that Robert Pattinson is related to Vlad the Impaler I mean that the people at Ancestry.co.uk have spent God only knows how much time to prove that the pretty boy vampire star is in fact a distant relative of the Romanian ruler thought to have been the inspiration for Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Of course going through the same channels I could probably find some sort of evidence that Jeanne d’Arc is indeed my distant cousin whilst Henry XIII is my great x 10 uncle on my mother’s side.

Let’s be honest, who cares? Robert Pattinson doesn’t play a vampire, he plays a pretty boy with exceptionally reflective skin who has a preference for (extremely) rare and bloody steak. Vlad the Impaler wasn’t a vampire either, he was simply evil and/or psychotic and had a rather bloody hobby which included running wooden stakes through people. Of course I bet thousands of bedazzled Twilight fans will add this to their list of facts about the 24 year old actor, I’d say put it somewhere between favourite colour and at what age he lost his virginity.

Personally I wouldn’t be too pleased if I was R-Pattz, half a millennium ago or not, no one would want the whole world to know your uncle fifty times removed upwards, over and beyond was a psychotic serial killer.

Good to know that in these difficult economic times, some people have such important work to do.

Sil, x

It never rains, it pours in the England camp

June 21, 2010

Whilst David James had a pop at Capello in a rather understated way Friday night, the unhappy “former” captain John Terry did not take a leaf out of the same book when giving a press conference yesterday. Firstly, Terry should not have been doing the press conference, Steven “kisses the badge on his chest before handing in his transfer request” Gerrard should have had the honour. Of course as per usual the Liverpool and supposed England Captain displayed his lack of backbone by not insisting on doing the press conference. Instead we got the man, the legend, the adulterous scum bag that is John “Cries when missing a penalty” Terry.

Now I think Terry said a lot of sensible things in his press conference, he admitted England were not good enough and that there were problems. Sadly his words of wisdom were overshadowed by the blatant attempt at re-enacting the Mutiny on the Bounty, with Terry casting himself as Fletcher Christian. Sadly for him the other sailors decided to jump ship and not join Terry in the revolt he was promising for the team meeting that was scheduled for last night.

Terry is obviously still angry that he lost his captaincy after he slipped over and his cock happened to land in Wayne Bridge’s ex-partner, and it’s simply another thing added to the sinking ship that is England. Of course if rumours are to believed, the worst is yet to come as it has been suggested that John Terry has also impregnated a minor and that this is supposed to break the news in the next few days… Normally I’m not one for buying into rumours, but when it comes to John Terry, nothing would surprise me.

“Chelsea wherever you may be, don’t leave your wife with John Terry… ”

What I’d give to be a fly on the wall for the England match against Slovenia on Wednesday.

Sil, x


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