Archive for July 2010

Things That Make Me Smile, Part 1

July 28, 2010

Random Statistics:

67% of men said a picture of their girlfriend or family is their most treasured possession. Most likely closely followed by the hundreds of rude pictures of their mistress(es) on their phone/laptop/desktop/any other gadget capable of holding digital images.

10% of men have a holiday fling. This does include single as well as attached men, or at least I assume it does. In other words, if you’re dating someone/have just met someone who has recently been on holiday, remember that the pill won’t keep you from getting crabs.

40% of men lie about how sporty they are when they’re on a date. Read as, nearly half of the male species are going to be a major disappointment in bed.

13% percent of men think their girlfriend’s boobs are the sexiest part of her body and 19% of men want their girlfriend to have cosmetic surgery. I guess the rest are into legs and asses?

56% of men use cosmetics each day. Over half of these men said they couldn’t live without fake tan. It makes me happy that there are so many orange Kens walking around waiting for their orange Barbies. They’re going to have a lot of orange little babies, who will in turn breed more orange babies, and in the end the world will be ruled by orange people. That’s when I’ll show that Women may be from Venus, but I’m moving to Pluto [Note: Furthest from the Sun, if you didn’t get it, don’t bother ever hitting on me. I have high standards. Deal with it]. Even if it’s not a planet anymore.

2/3rds of men have no idea what their girlfriend does to look good, that includes fake tans and leg waxing. Time to find out how them boys handle the hot wax girlies, and I wouldn’t start with the legs.

10% of men couldn’t live without their SatNav. Shame there isn’t one to cater for the female body, I reckon more than one in ten men could do with one of those.

AND my favourite one. 26% of men find a woman more attractive if she knows the offside rule. I knew there was a reason why I keep getting hit on at football. Still does not make it cool though, boys.

Sil, x

P.S Thanks to the person who emailed me the stats part of this xx

I Love Geeks

July 21, 2010

lovegeeks
I’m talking intellectual geeks, who’re not too bad looking, loves video games but doesn’t wish Spock were their father kind of course. Now geeks are my people, I love gaming, I love a bit of Sci Fi (although not Star Trek, I’m sorry, but it’s silly), and I do love my consoles, computers and gadgets, although probably not as much as the more dedicated geeks.

I like the fact that geeks can be shy, inexperienced and nervous around me, although I do not mean palms sweating because you’ve never spoken to a woman before, you’re fourty, and live with your mother. It makes a nice change from the cocky, boring and completely predictable male population of our lovely country (although, I still love you, don’t worry).

Hope you all like my new t-shirt,

Sil, xx

Ten Reasons Why You Don’t Need a Woman

July 8, 2010

NAGGING WOMAN

1. You already have a mother to nag you for not eating right/wearing the right clothes/having the right friends/doing the right degree/having the right job/drinking too much beer.

2. You will spend the rest of your life explaining the Offside rule. (Yes I’m full of double standards)

3. She’ll always be better than you. And she’ll tell you. Repeatedly.

4. She’ll never understand that talking during Match of The Day will be the cause of an argument that ends with you sleeping on the sofa. Which won’t be fair, as she will have started it.

5. Every time you ask her what’s wrong, and she says “nothing”, you will have exactly thirty seconds to figure it out before she starts crying because you don’t love her enough to take mind reading classes.

6. No means yes? No, I think you’ll find no means no. Maybe means no. I’ll think about it means no. Maybe later means no. Yes sometimes means no and all.

7. You know the great sex, the lovely attitude, the everything you want I’ll give part of a relationship? It’s all an act.

8. You want to spend your Sunday mornings in bed nursing a hangover, not cutting the grass, or worse, with her parents. Who by the way will NEVER like you.

9. You call it an open relationship, she’ll call it cheating. You don’t need to be killed in your sleep because a tiny misunderstanding.

10. “Massage” parlours.

Sil, x

Ten Reasons Why You Do Not Need A Man

July 6, 2010

1. He’ll expect perfection. You’ll quickly learn not to.

2. Artificial insemination.

3. DIY books for dummies. Even without them, you will probably do better than a man anyhow, in my experience, women are generally better at DIY.

4. You already know the offside rule.

5. Sex toys have more stamina. And they won’t ask you to cook and clean for them.

6. You’re more than capable of having arguments about insignificant things by yourself.

7. Men never grow up, which makes you eternally mummy’s less than perfect replacement.

8. You’d rather be driving that gorgeous car, than be in the passenger seat.

9. They act even more like women, than us women.

10. Sandra Bullock said so, and she’s a fittie, so must be right.

I might do a ten reasons why you need a man later on. Lol. Yeah, right.

Sil, x


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